(Quotes taken from a conversation I had with a “friend” and “supportive person” yesterday):
“I have been nothing but respectful to you through this whole process.”
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“I haven’t been shitty to you, Jane. Your ex was and just because I hung out with [insert ex’s name here] doesn’t mean I supported or chose sides.”
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“I don’t make a hobby of making other people’s business mine unless they ask for help.”
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“I’m sorry for what you went through, however I was not a party in that relationship.”
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“Good luck to you. I am done being made to feel as though I did something to hurt you.”
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“I’m here if you ever want or need to talk but I will not be blamed for something I didn’t do.”
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As much support as I have had through all of this, these are the people who stick with me because I’m not important enough as a person to recognize how I have been affected by their actions. I know, in the long run, they don’t matter, but that doesn’t make it hurt less in the meantime.
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Statements such as these are what perpetuate victim blaming and alienate survivors from their communities. I reached out to someone who used to be a friend to show them that how they have been treating me since my ex and I broke up is wrong and hurtful. They chose to be defensive and lash out instead of apologizing and admitting they were wrong and hurt me.
My Social Construction of Reality 